Unleashing Pinhead In Space Was Not A Good Idea
by Kiba Sniper
Summary: Hellraiser IV: Bloodline is not a good film. Bobby knows this but has Chloe watch it anyway.


after reading clive barker's novella the hellbound heart last week and realizing how good it was and then watching this movie on youtube, i was hit with such despair that i had to write this fic because it's really that bad of a movie. not even bobby would enjoy it and chloe would absolutely despise the horrible cgi space scenes and the low budget space shuttle going against everything she knows. but you know part in the opening cutscene where bobby raises his eyebrow and grins because he just had a bad idea? that's him deciding to show his gf chloe the movie when they're older.

Unleashing Pinhead in Space Was Not A Good Idea

Chloe watched the credits roll with utmost apathy. When the Alan Smithee pseudonym appeared, she knew it suited the abomination she had just seen. She leaned back on the couch and squared her shoulders, her entire body tense. She narrowed her eyes on her laptop, the tip of Leatherface's tail brushing against her neck as he kneaded her lap, and she heaved out a sigh she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

One glance over at Bobby gave her everything she needed to know. He had broken into a cheek-splitting smile, his lips tightly pursed to hold back his laughter. A few snorts escaped him when she slowly turned her head to stare at him. He snaked his arms around her waist as her thumb tapped the space bar, pausing the credits and letting him revel in the irritation claiming her features.

"So, what'd you, heh heh, what'd you think of Bloodline?" Bobby asked, a few squeaks of laughter slipping between his question.

A long-winded answer formed in her head, but she had already spilled her feelings during the past eighty-five minutes of pure bloody gibberish coming from Hellraiser IV: Bloodline. The gore and special effects were dated, even in comparison with older movies. The costume designs of stripper leather and powdered wigs when the movie jumped around in time left her face in her hands. The dialogue, plot, and acting were all painfully dull with character motivations all over the place and leaving her dragging her fingers down her cheeks while Bobby cackled.

But the rotten cherry on top of the melted sundae was the futuristic space shuttle sequences. Every little detail about them contrasted with everything she knew about how they were supposed to look and work. The interior of every room resembled a poorly lit arcade with video game cabinets or long stretches of hallways with dark blue lighting. There weren't even panels with brightly colored buttons for even the most basic and boring of movie shuttle designs. Everyone wore militaristic or tactical outfits instead of protective spacesuits with proper insulation. Not a single helmet was in sight, their faces covered only by a visor with a tinted glass covering as if they were about to weld, which made her reel and bury her face into Leatherface's saggy skin, their cat chirping in confusion and pawing at her head to comfort her.

Making matters worse, the ending stripped her of her soul. She felt it leave her body as the satellites and shuttle reformed, imbued with magic to create the Elysium Configuration to kill Pinhead. It was nonsensical, maddening, a slap in the face to scientists, engineers, astronauts, and astrophysicists everywhere. She even covered her ears when they tried explaining how The Minos was supposed to kill Pinhead and his fellow Cenobites, the utmost insanity of it all making Bobby laugh at her exasperation throughout the movie.

All the while, Bobby reveled in her aggravation. He already knew the movie was bad. He had watched it a few times before and hated it more with every viewing. It went against everything he loved about the original and its sequel.

But when he wondered what Chloe would think about such a wretched horror movie misrepresenting the science and space shuttles she loved so much, he leaned back and watched his own private show. Her reactions during their movie night from tired groaning when Angelique discussed the ideals of Hell to her yelling at the screen when Paul proclaimed Pinhead had been conversing with a hologram the entire time, something she deemed "an ass-pull because there is no way he could have set that up and predicted Pinhead would be in that exact spot!" was the best way to tease her. Holding her close while she criticized, sighed, and shielded her face against his shoulder when the movie became utterly ridiculous made him smile and laugh so hard that his cheeks hurt.

With the movie now over and Bobby's question hanging over her head, Chloe reached past her laptop. Curling her fingers around the champagne bottle, now wet with condensation, she flicked off the cap. Leatherface promptly darted off her lap to claim the cap. As he gnawed on it, Chloe took a long swig, tilting her head back with her half-lidded gaze leering at Bobby out of the corners of her eyes.

Stifling his laughter, Bobby covered his mouth with one hand and kept his free arm around her. When she set the bottle back on the table, he asked between his fingers, "So, any good?"

Clearing her throat, she smacked her lips and said, "Bobby, I've witnessed and endured many atrocities in my life. Seeing Vernon's bare ass. Being eaten by a mutated lungfish. Having my brain stolen by a deranged dentist. Hiding from a very stoned Quentin attacking us with that chainsaw stolen from the haunted house actors when he thought we were actually vampires for the Halloween party." She took a deep breath through her nose and breathed it out through her mouth. "None of that compares to the amount of bullshit that movie put me through just now."

Another peel of cackles freed themselves from Bobby's throat. He shook his head, elation burning his face scarlet as he blurted, "I know! The films really went downhill after the third one. They just started makin' no goddamn sense."

"I can't believe they ended it like that. Using lasers and mirrors and a terrible speech about hope and light," Chloe grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning into his shoulder. "You can't go through an entire movie with grotesque blood effects and a poor budget and a weird theme involving toys and end it on that note." She rolled her eyes and muttered, "'The same faithless hope in the light,' Pinhead says. Oh, right, that's one way to end a movie where people dress like that and act like freaks and completely ruin the science behind how space shuttles and satellites work."

"Once they start sticking horror icons in space, they're outta ideas and outta luck," Bobby said, and he kissed the top of her head. He reached around her to grab at her laptop, pausing to glare at Leatherface when he tried swallowing the cap. "Hey. Don't fuckin' eat that, you mangy bastard." He pointed at him, Chloe chuckling and tucking her legs up on the couch as Leatherface stared at him. "I'm warning you. Don't even think about it, you got that?"

The old Sphynx flicked his tail at Bobby before spitting the cap at his feet. Bobby snatched the cap before Leatherface could pounce on it and tucked it in his pocket. Returning to the laptop, he exited out of the movie and said, "I got a good idea."

"The last good idea you had involved me watching this nightmare of a film," Chloe said, Bobby snickering.

He typed, and she watched, opening her arms for Leatherface to jump into her lap. As Leatherface nestled against her stomach, her mouth curled into a grin as Bobby pulled up a new movie.

"I know you'll like this one way better. It respects space, it gets it," he said, leaning back and wrapping his arms around her waist. He stroked behind Leatherface's long ears, earning a purr in return as her laptop screen darkened and then revealed the opening shot to _Alien_ with its organized chaos of space helmets, monitors, buttons, and leathery pumps weaved through the ceiling.

She smiled. "Oh, yes, it most certainly does."

Bobby nodded. "And Ripley's hot."

"That, too." She hummed. "Oh, hey, I know it's early, but we should be Ripley and the Xenomorph for Halloween this year."

He gasped. "Holy shit, yeah! You'd be hot as Ripley. I'd be hot as the Xenomorph." He pulled the plastic bowl of assorted candies, pretzels, and popcorn from the coffee table and placed it on his lap as she laughed. "It's perfect. I'm a genius. We got our costumes figured out months in advance, too, so fucking kudos to us for being the best around." He smirked down at her. "Raz and Lili ain't gonna have shit on us this year."

Chuckling, she nestled closer to him and took a few pretzels out of the bowl. Munching on them, Chloe rested her head back on Bobby's shoulder and quietly reveled in his calloused fingers gently massaging her side as they watched a much better movie.


End file.
